Monday, September 18, 2006

amazing how one part of my life can be so great, while other parts are so...not great

Wow. I automatically started this update, but as it turns out, I don't have much to say. Well, I always have stuff to say, but nothing I want to write about here. And yet, here I am, writing a blog update anyway. Hmm. Wonder what it's going to be about.

Let's see. I worked all weekend, did my usual scribbling and reading when I wasn't at work, and I think that's about it. I start training as a shift supervisor today, so I don't have any days off for another week (last wednesday was my last day off), but my hours are mostly off the floor--working at a desk, not behind the counter--and only for a few hours a day. So nothing too strenuous. But I do look forward to my next day off, as I want to go check out the art museum here in West Palm, and because I also need to get cracking on the next book for the reading group.

Something interesting has happened. A couple blog updates ago, I talked about how much I love having such a low-pressure job which allows me to pursue my own real passions in life, about how wonderful it felt to--for the sake of my sanity--chuck my old "professional" job, the one I supposedly went to school for and all that, the one I was supposed to like but actually hated. Since then, I have received several emails from friends and aqcuaintances commenting (in a positive way) about that particular post, asking me all sorts of questions about my decision and subsequent satisfaction with it, wondering if they should make similar decisions. This is fascinating to me, as I strongly believe you should NOT live a life that requires you to sacrifice the things you care about, no matter how "secure" your job is. But then, I also always preface this with the disclaimer that I am in no position to hand out advice, as my life is sort of a wreck these days aside from the fact that I'm happy with my work and happy with the time I can devote to things I love (and, as a practical note, I am single with no kids to support, so I have more freedom to make such choices--not always the case once you have kids). In general, I usually refuse to give advice on such matters, but I feel pretty strongly about this subject. Sometimes I think we have a culture of drones, and maybe this wouldn't be the case if more people stopped choosing the jobs that look good but give them zero personal satisfaction and leave no room for passion in life.

But then, here I am, after four months of this new life, still living in my parents' condo, still living in a part of the country I hate, still trying to pretend I like being single, even though I'm not sure I do anymore, still feeling a little lonely. Still fairly certain I must be some sort of mutant, as I can't seem to have decent relationships or in any way relate to most people I come into contact with, and vice-versa. Still feeling more emotionally fragile than I am used to. And I hate all that. But I guess on some levels I knew this consequence of my decision to leave my old life would linger for a while. And, really, is four months that long? I guess not. I guess it takes longer than that to recover from years of professional misery and personal dissatisfaction. As long as I continue to love my job and the freedoms it allows me, I can handle all the rest of this, because I know they are only temporary. But the positive aspects of that decision--if I take full advantage of them--can last forever.

Now if I can only gather the courage to put my "real" writing out into the world, to try and...publish. Yikes.


At September 18, 2006 3:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

OK now i had a lot of things running thru my head as i was reading your blog and of course i forget half of them.
First you aren't a mutant you were in a decent relationship - you said your marriage was great but that it wasn't you.
Second i wonder why are you taking the position of shift supervisor or whatever you said it was - it seemed like you were all about making the drinks and talking to people.
Third - you made a life chaning decision, 4 months is not long at all to still be getting use to things and deciding what you want to do.
fourth i just noticed that messages have to be approved - i never thought you would be one to censor - at least that is what i'm getting from your personality thru a blog. don't know how accurate my image of can be thru a blog.

At September 18, 2006 10:36 PM, Blogger Heather said...

Thanks for the encouragement.

Being a supervisor doesn't mean I won't still get to do the things I like about my job. It just means I'll have more responsibility for those same things, and I'll be running shifts--delegating authority, etc. The stuff I mentioned about being at a desk is just while I train for the promotion; there are some things I have to learn from a book. After my training, I'll be back out there in the cafe as usual. It's a promotion, and I'm really happy about it. I'll still be making drinks and interacting with people and still have time for my own life.

Also, I promise I'm not censoring comments. So long as they aren't mean-spirited or untrue, I will approve any comments anyone writes. Honest. I only changed the settings so I can see what's been written before it goes up.


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