Tuesday, October 31, 2006

seven years ago

I started writing this earlier in the day and then had to stop for work. Now, it's well after midnight so this will say it was posted on October 31, but it was meant for October 30th. So let's just pretend that's what it says.

Seven years ago today I got married. It was a beautiful afternoon wedding in Cincinnati, followed by a soul-touching trip to New England, where we dipped our hands in Walden Pond, stood on a cliff over the coast of Maine, and saw New Hampshire’s Old Man of the Mountain before he fell. And then we moved to St. Louis and started our married life.

That first year in St. Louis was our first year of marriage, and despite my ex’s amazing sense of adventure about it all, I probably made it more difficult than I needed to. Until then, I thought I liked change, but as I learned during that period, I actually don’t always adjust well to different environments. I missed my hometown and my family. Also, I had not yet fully grasped a number of things about myself and I am sure that on some level I was already confused, despite my happiness about being with him.

My ex and I had four sweet, fun—and at times confusing and nerve-wracking—years of marriage before I faced a couple major realizations and we went our separate ways. Sometimes I can’t believe it’s already been seven years since we got married, but mostly I can’t believe it’s only been seven years. It feels like a thousand years ago, because I have had at least ten lifetimes since then.

My ex-husband and I are on good terms now and do touch base with each other from time to time. He is re-married and has a home in St. Louis. And he is happy. I don’t know if he feels the same way, but I am glad to have had those years with him. He’s an incredible person and is still part of who I am now.


At October 31, 2006 10:34 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Memories are a wonderfull part of our lives, some are bad but most are are wonderfull! I too have an ex-husband and despite some bad times, we had alot of great times and I learned from the bad, hoping it made me a better person!We too are now friends and talk every now and then, sometimes it is strange because we are alot more open with each other then we were when married! Strange how life is, isnt it?

At October 31, 2006 2:15 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Wow. Sounds wonderful and sad. May I ask how old you were when you got married? I just wonder b/c well I’m just kind of confused. I don’t want this to sound harsh or rude b/c I don’t mean it but I’m not good expressing into words what is all going through my head which is why I have been reading blogs to help me communicate better.

Anyway, did you have any feelings or inklings about your sexuality before you got married? You said you were happily married but were you depressed on the inside? I guess I was just wondering if you got married young and if you think you waited you would have found your true self or do you think your ex helped you find your true self.
I think its great that you are still friends with your ex. Hope you find happiness soon.

At October 31, 2006 2:19 PM, Blogger Heather said...

Send me an email, and I'd be happy to discuss all this in private communication. I'd just rather not get into it all on my blog. Not now anyway.

Go to my profile here and look for the email link.

At October 31, 2006 6:23 PM, Anonymous JH said...

Very nice post, Heather. Well said. You sound great and at peace. I'm proud of you.


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